Is medical school a competitive environment?

I've read in more than one place that I shouldn't think of my classmates in medical school as enemies or competitors, but as friends and partners who go through times of hardships together.

BULL SHIT...kind of.

I'm sure I'll make friends in medical school. I have no doubt that some of them will be friends that I keep in contact with for the rest of my life. I wouldn't put myself beyond finding my future wife in medical school. Still, these things don't change the fact that when time comes to apply for the next step - residency - I'll be competing against all of my classmates and everyone else who went to medical school and graduated the year that I did. This means that I need to score better, participate in more extra-curriculars, and obtain more research experience than my compatriots.

Moreover, I feel that many people are driven by competition. I myself have the desire to be better than others and this drives me to go the extra mile compared to my peers. I could be wrong about this and I could be the only one who feels this way, but past experiences tell me that it's not. I don't mean to say that I think or know I am better than others, but I aspire to be.

Technically, medical school itself is not a competition, but there will be a competition - for the best residencies - that considers medical school performance as one of the main criteria to be considered.

If people have given this more thought than I have, and know better or more than I do, I welcome their insights. I know that as an individual, my views can be quite limited.

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Sorry. This is another entry that's not going to get addressed. I don't really miss anyone unless I am in a romantic relationship with her (which at the moment, I don't have). My immediate family is near, and although I wouldn't mind seeing my relatives living in SK, I can't really say I miss one more than any other...lol. I'm actually quite blessed. I have my family close to me and good friends not too far. Sorry if you read this and you expect to be missed. I'm not as sentimental/emotional as people think I am. I mellowed out a lot post-undergrad. A lot less anger; a lot more chill, go-with-the-flow, don't-give-a-shit type deal.

By default, I guess I subscribe to the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Another entry bites the dust.

Nerd Alert

I'm not going to lie. I like studying. Of course, I don't like to do it all the time, and I didn't really like it in undergrad. I have to have balance between studying and spending time doing other things. But all in all, I'm excited that I'm going to have great volumes of knowledge to study again. As I think about everything that I'm going to force feed into my brain, I'm thankful that I am going to have this opportunity and privilege to learn medicine. It's going to cost me in the excess of $150,000, and I think it's going to be worth it. No, not for the money that I'll be making at the end of my medical education/training, but for the experience and the opportunity to be a part of something that most people can't even dream about being involved in.

This is different from undergrad. In undergrad, I didn't care much about learning. I was there because I was expected to, because it was just another step to getting to the step after it. But now, I feel an appreciation for what I'm about to become a part of. Surely, I will be a bitter human being at times, but honestly, I don't think I am going to find another block of four years to label as more interesting or more productive than the four years I will spend in medical school.

For now, I want to savor this moment and this entry...for I foresee that this will be one of very few optimistic and happy entries about medical school. It'll be interesting to see if and how things change come August.

Killing to save

Today, I realized something. When I become a doctor, I am inevitably going to be responsible for people who die under my care. I may not be the guy, infection, or disease that hammers in the final nail into people's chests as they die, but I will be responsible for those dying patients. A page of my dead patients' medical record will read 'deceased', and somewhere on that very same page, my name will most likely be floating about. And you know...I decided I'm perfectly okay with that.

Shit happens, and I need to harden the fuck up about it.

Another part of me is saying to me, "Oh shit, I'm going to kill people". But this same part also realizes that flipping out about it isn't going to bring the dead back or miraculously save the other still-living patients waiting on me to save them...or kill them trying.

Wisdom Teeth

I had them pulled today. All 4. Just under local anesthesia. Getting them pulled wasn't so bad. The least pleasant part of it was the teeth cracking and all the pressure that the oral surgeon put on the teeth.

The aftermath is painful. I've taken my vicodin, but I'm still feeling as though someone is chiseling at my gums with a chisel and hammer. I kind of feel like a big wuss because there are people who don't feel any pain at all, but all my teeth except one were impacted and they were cut out of my gums. Perhaps that's where the pain's coming from...the cutting and the resulting suture.

Anyway, that's about it. Wisdom teeth are gone. In Korean, they're called Love Teeth, showing that one is ready for love once the love teeth are gone. Too bad I'm still not ready. I have no interest in committing to a serious relationship at the moment. It is still time to play.

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

I've drifted away from many people. I didn't bother to keep in touch with a lot of friends that I met in college, and I feel like shit about it. I hope that I can amend it as time passes and opportunities arise to mend holes in my relationships with various people. This particular entry goes to a bro named Andrew.

Dear Andrew,

When we first met, I felt like you were the younger brother I never had. Later, I valued you as an indispensable friend who gave me real advice. Until I betrayed your trust, of course. And it was so dumb the way I did it. It was over a girl that I had 0 luck with. I think in retrospect, and for the future, bros should definitely come before women.

I wish we could meet up sometime, but we live great distances away from each other. You're probably working hard and absorbed in your young adult life as I try to do in my own. I respect you a lot, bro. You always inspired me to work harder despite the fact that I worked myself into the ground during college trying to cover premed and engineering courses at the same time.

You have a knack for getting along with people easily. I envy and love that about you. I hope that a time will come in our lives where we'll be able to spend more time with one another and just catch up/be friends again.

I hope all's well where you are. I heard you're doing well.

With friendship,

Alex